Change is not easy. In fact, there are some aspects where it is not possible and sometimes not necessary either. There is no model of a perfect human being that we should all be.
Moreover, the concept of “normal” is a very relative matter. Those who deviate from the norm are often the ones who make the greatest contributions to humanity.
But there are actually aspects where we can and should make changes. They are problems that limit our lives or make us suffer.
It’s not about trying to be like other people. The reasonable thing is simply to look for ways to be and act that benefit us the most.
Nor is it about transforming our personality . What we need to look for is rather to identify things that give us discomfort.
Although it is not easy to change, it will be possible if we put it within a realistic framework. It is also important to remove some factors such as obstacles. Here are some of them…
Change is not easy when there is no feedback
Many times we are aware that certain behaviors are not appropriate. For example, reacting impulsively, smoking or being too sedentary . In that case, there is awareness of it, but no awareness of the problem. Therefore, it is not easy to change.
A good way to motivate change is to make the consequences of wrong behavior fully visible. Let’s look at an example.
People know they need to wash their hands before eating. But many do not. If they use a dye that allowed them to see the bacteria in detail, they would probably start.
Do something like that . Think in detail about the effects of your negative behavior. Make a list of them and do not hold back on descriptions.
Then review the list frequently. And do not stop looking for new harmful effects of this behavior. In short, look at the implications of the aspects you want to change.
Lack of motivation or support
However negative a behavior may be if we maintain it, it is because it gives us some benefit. The problem is that the benefit is usually in the short term, while the negative consequences are only seen in the long term. That’s why it’s so easy to ignore how much damage it does.
So many times we need motivation and support to maintain our desire to change. It is good to communicate our desire to people close to us. Ask them to help us remember the importance of our change. Not for them to pressure us, but for them to encourage us.
It is also good to practice self-motivation. The old trick of rewarding ourselves always works. Give yourself something every time you meet a goal. Recognize your efforts. Change is not easy, but few things provide as much satisfaction as achieving it.
Identify triggers and alternatives
We all have routines that sometimes make change difficult. They are associated with the behavior that we want to change and make getting there harder.
Routines make us return to our usual negative behaviors. For example, if we say you decide to exercise for an hour every morning but you are used to going to bed late. First of all, you are making it harder than it should be.
Other times, the things that “trigger” our negative behavior are more subtle. Let us e.g. Say you leave clutter everywhere.
It gets in the way of the people you live with. It is a source of conflict and quarrels. But you are disorganized because you have some degree of anxiety and it always looks like you do not have time.
In this last example, the background is the “trigger” for that feeling of urgency. It makes us believe that we do not have two minutes to put something in place . In this and other cases, it is important to identify the problem and possible alternative solutions.
How can this anxiety be eliminated? How can you manage to be more orderly, without feeling like you are “losing” valuable time?
Change is not easy, primarily because we always find resistance, whether consciously or unconsciously. Maybe we do not want to change because we have not assessed the benefits of changing our behavior.
Or because we are victims of a rigid way of thinking. We have not found alternative behaviors to replace those that need to be changed.
Nothing guarantees that we will get what we want, but if we work consciously, we will improve our chances of creating the change we really want.