Mother: a good word. For many people, it is beautiful, but it has many different meanings. These come from things like memories, essences and of course children. But it is also a role that has its limits, for the person who plays it. Exceeding them can threaten both the mother and the children, making them dependent and insecure. Supermothers are not necessarily the best kind of mother.
We do not want this to be just another article that shows the things you are doing wrong. Instead, we will talk about actions and attitudes to balance your role as a mother. But you must do this without trying to possess or control everything. It will provide space for your children to use their abilities to face challenges that will help them grow. For their own good and yours too.
Supermothers just want the best for their children
This statement is one of the main principles on which many mothers act. But it is ambiguous because it comes from the wishes of the parents. It does not create space for children as people with their own wants and needs. In that sense, it’s more like the statement: “I just want my kids to get what I did not get when I was growing up (they get everything) “.
Supermothers need to understand that each child is unique and has their own needs, desires and personality. But when parents and especially mothers have fantasies and desires for their children, it is difficult to let them talk and listen to what they have to say. What sports or leisure activities they want, what they want to eat, how they want to dress. Or what they want to study or do with their lives.
The mother’s mission is to be a helper and be by the children’s side as they grow up. Not to create their desires for them. The best for a mother may not be the best for her child. The same is true when they are young. Because children are dependent on their parents both financially and in terms of love and affection, they can put their parents’ wishes ahead of their own.
Listen before you lead
Children, as small and defenseless as they may seem, have desires and desires from a very early age. Giving them opportunities and the ability to choose will encourage them. It will also make them feel special and trusted when it comes to becoming more and more independent. As parents, we think we know what’s best for our children, but super mothers will just make them insecure if they choose things for them.
From the moment they are small, you should let your children take part in decisions, as by giving them different alternatives for lunch or dinner. For example, they can choose what kind of fish they want, or you can hear them about changes you are making, such as renovating their room. If they can not decide, then keep them informed and make them part of family decisions, such as moving or changing school.
Independence = trust
As mothers, we see our children as small and defenseless. It is difficult for us, and for supermothers in particular, to encourage their independence. But if you do not, it can lead to addicted children not knowing how to do things themselves. Or to children who know how to do it but are insecure in everything they do.
You can encourage their independence from an early age. Putting all this into action begins with doing nothing for them that they themselves can do. You can start as early as 8 or 9 months, for example starting with the Baby Led Weaning method, which means letting your children eat by themselves.
Another way to encourage your children’s independence is to include them in household chores. They should help you carry the trash can out, make their beds or wash your clothes. They can help care for pets and plants or even help prepare food or cleaning according to their abilities. And their abilities are usually more developed than you think.
Kids love all parts of this and it makes them feel useful. You can encourage their independence from a young age. It’s never too late to start. You will not stop being their “director” by doing this, you will raise children who can solve their own problems with a sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
Today we all suffer from “performance sickness”. As parents, we allow ourselves to get caught up in it and prioritize our children’s grades over other experiences that are just as enriching. Education and homework become the most important goal and the only thing that is important for our children.
We focus all around this education concept (which is very limited) and end up punishing them and scolding them when they do not get good grades. We force them to spend their afternoons, weekends and vacations with homework. And when they fail, we look for some kind of disorder or cognitive issue behind their failing grades.
Guide your child
To avoid this, supermothers do not hesitate to sacrifice their own free time to study or do homework with their children. They try to control everything and sometimes even do the homework for their children so that they get a good grade. But your job is to find the right times and places, and help them get properly organized.
You need to get them started, but do nothing for them. As they get older, your children need to realize that homework is their responsibility and have three goals that only make sense if they work toward them:
- Repeat what they learned in class
- Go deeper into what they learned
- Create their own work routine
It is difficult to grow with your children and give them more and more space. But this space will help them grow and have stimulating goals for them to achieve and it is a necessity. It is as much a necessity as giving them a home, food and clothing.
In that sense, a protective and controlling mother must change little by little. To a mother who walks beside and encourages who says her opinion but does not decide.This means you will have to help them, even with dreams and goals that you do not like. Maybe they are not the ones you would have chosen for them, but you should not forget that it is their life, not yours.
As adults, we have a lot of power to make life wonderful, but also to prevent their dreams. It is the real sacrifice, nothing else that comes with raising children.