Fighting emotional addiction is not easy, but that does not mean it is impossible. Breaking the pattern that binds you to another person, setting boundaries and doing activities for yourself are strategies that help you gain autonomy in a relationship.
It is important to mention that in the first months of a relationship, it is perfectly normal to count the minutes to see the other person. In the beginning, we always want to spend as much time as possible with them. However, this desire begins to disappear when the love affair is over, and instead more mature love begins to emerge.
The problem arises when the desire to be with the other person becomes a necessity. The individual may even begin to find it uncomfortable to be alone. Emotional addiction is a big part of this. This is when a partner stops being himself to fulfill the desires and expectations of their better half.
They basically see themselves in relation to the other until they lose their identity. Is it possible to combat this? Definitely. Let us elaborate on some of the ways you can combat this problem.
Do different activities to gain autonomy in a relationship
You may agree with your partner on many different aspects. However, there is no such thing as two identical people. That said, it is more than likely that you have certain differences and disagreements.
It is virtually impossible to agree on absolutely everything. Maybe you love hiking and your partner does not. Maybe you like really loud music and they prefer a softer kind of music. You probably understand what we’re trying to say.
The most important thing is to respect all these differences. Being in a relationship does not mean sacrificing your independence, your tastes, hobbies or opinions or being together at all times. A relationship is much more than being on the same page. It’s about respecting each other so you can grow together.
However, those who suffer from emotional dependence and fear of giving up or losing a loved one may see it differently. If their partner is not involved, they are willing to limit their activities and ultimately their entire world.
The point is that this, even if it seems harmless at first, negatively affects self-esteem. Therefore, it is recommended to continue doing what you enjoy, whether your better half likes it or not.
In addition, having an intimate and personal space also helps to combat the very dominant belief in the world of love. You do not have to stop taking care of your partner to gain autonomy in a relationship. It’s just a matter of taking care of yourself and doing what makes you happy.
Friends with and without partners
While in a relationship, it becomes easier over time to be friends with people who are also in a relationship. This can be a very positive and enriching thing. What about the friends who are single? Are you willing to ignore them just because you have a partner?
Many people, especially those who experience emotional dependence, leave their friends behind because they do not want to leave their partner’s side. It’s not healthy at all.
In fact, this attitude is likely to have very negative consequences in the long run. Are you no longer interested in the friend who has always been by your side? Did they do anything against you? What happens if your romantic relationship ends?
It’s hard to believe that the latter can happen, but it’s a possibility. You have no guarantee that what you have with the other person will last forever (another common belief in romantic love). Therefore, it is important to make sure that your relationship with your friends is in order.
Contact them once in a while, hang out with them and talk to them. Friendships are important whether you are in a romantic relationship or not. In addition, it is always gratifying to have people who you know will always be there, no matter what; people who enjoy your company.
The dangers of the belief that “We are one”
Many beliefs and common misconceptions have damaged many relationships. One of the most important is the common “we are one”. This refers to doing what the other person is doing, thinking as the other person is thinking, and so on.
Being in a relationship, however, is about teamwork, and teams are composed of more than one person. That said, every partner is an individual.
According to any belief in romantic love, this one may seem innocent. Nevertheless, it can turn into something very dangerous. This is because the different partners in certain situations do not know how to react to their individuality. Eventually, the relationship could end up full of irrational beliefs.
You need to learn to have autonomy in a relationship. Many people already have it, but if you look around you will see how many do not.
Everyone is different. Therefore, we all like to experience love in different ways. Some people may feel happier when there is no independence in their relationship. However, we dare say that this is not a healthy thing.
And this approach works even less for people with emotional addiction. The only thing that will happen is that they lose their confidence along the way.