We’re all a little broken. We carry our broken parts and try to assemble the impossible puzzle that is our heart. We always long to give love again. We will love and be loved. However, disappointment has already burned us too much…
It is often said that when we are willing to do something for everyone else, we should be prepared for them to disappoint us at some point. Somehow, it is as if pain is always implied when it comes to love and care. But that is not entirely true.
F or recently I stopped interacting with people that I wanted to get to know. Maybe I was expecting too much from people who never gave me anything. Maybe I made the mistake of giving love to people who only wanted a “work and benefit” contract from me. Either way, such a big disappointment has simply made me tired…
Our emotional and social brains demand the security of a secure bond. Security guarantees our survival at the end of the day. This explains why we feel pain when we are disappointed. Something inside us breaks, breaks. The safe bond disappears and only a void remains.
It is possible that on some occasions we build expectations that are too high for something or someone. This may be true, but we all need certain guarantees that we will not be harmed. That the people we choose to give love to are not going to disappoint us or break the bond just like that.
No matter how much people tell us, no one is willing to accept disappointment as something “normal” in our daily relationships.
To give love in spite of disappointment, sadness and pain
We are very used to being told that disappointment is not produced by inappropriate behavior. Instead, it is made up of false expectations that one makes about certain things or people. Now, this typical phrase does not make sense in some cases. Especially when the behavior that is implied has been particularly cruel, unexpected, or painful.
When you have a good friendship with someone, you do not expect to be criticized by those behind your back. Or when someone reaches old age, they do not expect to be abandoned by their children. When someone loves and believes they are loved, they never expect to be abused or humiliated by their partner.
Some disappointments are authentic, genuine, deep and strong. Giving love after these vital experiences is an almost impossible mission. You need time. You need the needles of the times to sew and repair your wounds. Repairing the “broken pieces” that your brain, believe it or not, interprets as authentic wounds.
According to a study published by the journal Natural Sciences Academy Proceedings and led by the psychologist of emotions, Ethan Kross, rejection, betrayal and deep disappointment are interpreted as a blow, a burn or a traumatic physical impact on the brain.
The area of the brain that is most activated in these cases is the insula, which is directly associated with pain. All this shows that for the brain is a disappointment breaking a bond that gave us security. It represented trust we had in something or someone that has now disappeared. Giving love back after these experiences is not easy. However, it can be a good medicine to heal your wounds.
Do not get tired of giving love and loving yourself
There is disappointment that does not put you in danger. It is simply accepted as someone who tolerates the dot of a rose or drinking every day from a broken mug that has been repaired with glue and lots of love because it is your favorite. We heal, forgive and continue. We should not let our hearts turn to stone. If you do, this stone heart will forever fall into the cold well of discouragement, vulnerability, and failure.
Authentic love does not hurt. Sincere friendship does not betray. The person who truly loves you may disappoint you once, but never again. Thus, we suggest that you immediately reflect on these simple coping strategies that can help you overcome these complex moments in your life.
A disappointment, in addition to making us suffer, also makes us feel vulnerable. When someone feels fragile, instead of offering their love, it is necessary for them to receive it. In particular, they must receive it from themselves to be rebuilt, to be validated again with all their integrity, strength and self-esteem. Something like this can only be given with time and sufficient work within ourselves.
The three knights of unhappiness
In addition to time, we have to deal with three basic emotions: rage, pessimism, and impotence. Disappointments can tear our roots out and make us believe that nothing will ever be the same afterwards. Remove these three knights of unhappiness from your heart as soon as possible.
Accept on the one hand that you did not deserve what happened to you; but on the other hand then also accept that you do not deserve to suffer forever. Do not choose anger as your daily food. Do not prescribe suffering as your eternal medicine. The side effects of this are devastating.
Instead , remember something indispensable: remember to choose yourself. Choose yourself over everything else. Above all, your fears, your insecurities and anger. Choose to have hope again and above all to continue to cultivate what is truly worthwhile in life: to give love. Choose to believe that, despite all your disappointments, there are still good people out there.