Your better half does not want to go to an event you have been invited to, but he says yes to going anyway . But he wastes so much time that when he is finally ready, the party is almost over. This is characteristic behavior in people with passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD).
It’s a lot more common than you might think . But it is very difficult to detect because these people tend to be scam and cunning.
How do people with passive-aggressive personality disorder act?
Their behavior is defined by resistance to external demands. They adopt a passive attitude towards essential and reasonable commitments, which everyone must accept in their daily lives.
It is very difficult to agree with them because they try to avoid responsibility at all costs. They simply “forget” them or put them at the bottom of their priority list.
For example, if they have committed to taking a particular dish to a party, they go out to buy it when everyone has already sat down to eat. It is an extreme form of apathy.
They tend to be demanding, dependent, afraid of being alone and have low self-esteem. They have two sides, swing between two extremes and create confusion around them. They are manipulative, pessimistic and misleading.
On top of all that, they refuse to take a critical look at themselves or take responsibility for their actions. They give reasons and find every excuse to get rid of every offense, no matter how ridiculous it may be.
Ambiguity and anger
People with passive-aggressive personality disorder tend to have a large gap between what they say and what they do. It is almost impossible to know what they are feeling because they are also not showing any emotion at all or two completely opposite emotions at the same time.
Imagine your spouse telling you, “I do not love you anymore. I’m stopped loving you, ”and then shouting “ Never leave me! I can not live without you! “Their communication is always ambiguous and indirect.
With you, but without you.
Usually, when people are bothered by something, they say something about it and try to fix it. But these people do not. They hold it in and pretend that nothing has happened. But their inner selves are furious.
Therefore, they are always indulgent, but full of rage. And they never express that anger because they think it’s a completely unacceptable feeling. They suppress it because they are not able to express it in a healthy way.
In fact, they hide it so well that even though they are full of anger, no one around them recognizes that they are offended or embarrassed. They appear warm, approachable, docile and pleasant, but deep down they are envious, vengeful and angry.
Rodent and with a bad temper
Passive-aggressive personality disorder makes people reserved, suspicious and lonely. They cannot control their emotions, they become easily gnawed and irritable.
They feel that they are being abused all the time . Therefore, they tend to act hostile, cynical and stubborn. Their projection reaches such extremes that the more sensible explanations you give them, the more they feel like a victim.
They are also disrespectful and as a way of defending their independence, they tend to reject other people’s suggestions.
Obstacle and control
It is very important to them that the people around them do not get what they want. They are just a manufacture. While they make you believe that they support you and are always there for you, their actions show the opposite . They never give you what you ask for.
Because they do not like to be in charge of anyone, they do not believe in deadlines. If you give them a deadline or a time you want them to finish something, they usually will not do it . They prefer to do things their way, without feeling pressured or obligated.
This affects their performance in the workplace enormously. If their boss asks them to finish a report the next morning, not only will it not be ready, but they will not even try to explain why they did not. They just let time go by until they feel like doing it.
In some cases , they invent a story or manipulate certain information to get out of the situation.
Causes of passive-aggressive personality disorder
Although experts are not entirely sure, many believe that passive-aggressive personality disorder is a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Self-esteem, attachment in childhood, family dynamics and learned behaviors can all play a role.
Childhood abuse, disproportionate punishment, and abuse of psychoactive substances in adolescence can also make it more likely. Other conditions that show similar passive-aggressive personality disorder include ADHD, stress, depression, bipolar disorder, other different personality disorders and various addictions.
How to behave around someone with PAPD
As you have seen, it is not easy to react to or confront their behavior because they make others feel powerless.
If you need to be in close contact with a passive aggressive person, it is best to try not to let yourself be knocked out of their bad mood.
Instead, you should respond to them with kindness. Being positive and optimistic, using humor, and talking about banal topics are great ways to resist their negative influence.
If you have sufficient influence, it is best to try to get them to seek psychological help. A psychotherapist will try to reduce their anger and frustration by teaching them effective coping strategies. They want to work on their objectivity, self-confidence and problem solving in an efficient and healthy way.