Sometimes we need to hear “ I love you ,” “ you are important to me, ” or “ thank you for being you. “To need to hear what we mean to someone does not mean that we are weak. We are not seeking confirmation. We just want to hear what’s in their hearts. We want to be appreciated and hear it expressed in sincere words.
Remember: love is not incomprehensible, it is not strange and unmanageable. We perceive the word “love” with all our five senses, and that’s how we feel valued and safe.
One cannot assume that there is love in a relationship. ” You already know how I feel” is not enough for a healthy growing relationship. “If I’m with you, it’s for a reason” only gives rise to doubt.
We do not need to constantly hear what we mean to anyone. But it is exhausting to be with people who never express their gratitude. Instead, they do the opposite: they create and nurture doubt and uncertainty.
The person who thirsts for emotional embrace unexpressed through words is forced to try to read non-verbal messages. They will have to interpret love through glances and care through actions. It can be frustrating and really wear us down…
The need to hear and feel what we mean to someone
Feeling love and appreciation in every atom of our being gives us balance, joy and satisfaction. Humans are genetically programmed to make contact with their fellow human beings. This is how we ensure our survival, as this is how we have evolved and grown as a species.
So no one should see themselves as weak or dependent if they need their partner or loved one to say some caring words. It means so much to our brain. So hearing a ” thank you,” “you are amazing,” or ” I love being with you” is not only natural, but logical and necessary.
We must also keep in mind that it is not just us humans who need to hear what we mean to someone. Children need loving words as they need food. They are just as necessary as the strong arms that hold them. It is more important than the clothes on their body or new toys.
Children need positive reinforcement in the form of words, an appreciative voice. It gives security, builds self-confidence and gives the kind of love that gives wings.
It will have great significance for the rest of their lives. Therefore, a child who grows up in an environment full of emotional coldness, insecurity or neglect will be much more prone to develop behavioral problems and problems expressing their emotions.
Speak to me without fear, speak to me from the heart
Emotionally disabled people are everywhere. And we are not just talking about those who suffer from the affective-cognitive communication disorder called alexithymia.
It’s complicated and has to do with how they were brought up. It can be seen in our schools and workplaces, etc. Here there is an abundance of “emotional kidnappers” and a lack of “emotional facilitators.”
We see children bullying other children in the classroom or on the Internet. We can see managers being unable to create more empathetic, respectful and creative jobs. We see it in our way of communicating where we think using smileys is enough.
But as Natalia Ramos and Pablo Fernandez say in their book “ Corazones Inteligentes ” (intelligent hearts), our world needs emotional intelligence. Emotions are not experienced abstractly, they are not vague. Life is not a David Lynch file, where language, though fascinating and symbolic, sometimes lacks meaning. Life needs meaning and love needs security.
So let’s use the language effectively. Let it be an instrument that creates and validates. Let us be brave, make connections with others with positive, sincere loving words. It is important what we mean to someone.