The Stage Of Anger In Grief: What Is It About?

The anger stage in grief is, basically, a powerful denial of the idea of ​​your loss.
The stage of anger in grief: What is it about?

Losing someone can cause you to become permanently trapped in anger. You do not understand why this should happen to this special person in your life. This feeling of anger is very common in the grieving process. We will therefore take a closer look at the stage of anger in grief.

Anger is a very common stage in grief. Unfortunately, there are many people who get caught in the anger stage in grief. They collapse emotionally, and cannot overcome the anger over the fact that they have lost someone close to them.

It is not easy to deal with this intricate knot of emotions, where anger and an inability to accept what has happened changes your temper and limits you.

Shakespeare said that crying can make the pain less violent, but what do you do if you cannot reach this stage of emotional reading? You may end up turning into a rock and sinking deeper and deeper into the well of sorrow. So, of all the stages of grief, defined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, anger and frustration can be the most difficult of them all.

It is the stage where you really begin to assimilate the idea around that you have lost this person. But instead of accepting it, you rebel against it. You’re trying to find someone or something to blame. You begin to feel a constant sense of injustice and anger and they continue to build up in your mind and your body.

An overwhelming anger over the loss

All these intense emotions become a kind of furious storm that blows the clothes on the clothesline in all directions, shakes it, deforms it and tries to tear it down from the string. You want to maintain control of your life, but you do not feel that you can. This is because your anger has turned into rage and it can turn you into something you are not.

frustrated woman

The stage of anger in grief

The anger stage in grief is, basically, a powerful denial of the idea of ​​your loss. Let us not forget that grief, like anger, is an instinctive response that has helped people survive because our brain perceives it as a threat.

What could be more influential than losing someone close to you? Therefore, the pain is enormous and your brain responds to it.

It’s perfectly normal to go through that kind of thing. At the same time, there are some studies, such as the one conducted by Dr. George A. Bonnano at Columbia University, who claims that there is no “guiding” form of grief. In other words, even though Dr. Kübler-Ross may have described the stages exactly, so everyone experiences them differently in different order.

That said, there are also particularly complex forms of grief, such as frozen and delayed grief. In both of these cases, you drag your grief with you for years, without getting it resolved. It almost always leads to a depression. But let’s return to today’s topic: the stage of anger in grief.

An obsession with what has happened and unanswered questions

When you lose someone, it’s common to ask yourself a lot of questions. One of the most common questions may seem more like self-pity, but it is also fraught with anger.

That’s when you ask yourself why it should just be them. “Why should it just happen to my father? He was still so young! He was so kind and loved life so much. Why did he have to leave us so early? ”

These kinds of thoughts end up becoming fixed occupations points in your mind if you are trapped in this stage of grief. Your obsession with what has happened, and trying to find an explanation or someone to blame,  is a really common part of the feedback ring of anger in the grieving process.


The anger stage in grief also has to do with involving extreme hypersensitivity. All of a sudden, an unexpected stimulus, news or event coming out of nowhere can really affect you deeply. You therefore end up accumulating it (negatively) in your mind, letting it destroy you and leave you completely in the Lord’s field. 

Personality and change in temperament

One thing you need to understand about anger and rage is that it can really change you. These feelings can turn you into someone you are not, do not like or do not want to be.

You may start to lose your motivation. Things you used to be passionate about are no longer interesting. Your patience and curiosity evaporate. You stop connecting with other people. Perhaps worst of all, your empathy begins to fade because your suffering puts you in a place where you only focus on yourself.

sad man walking through the stage of anger in grief

Apathy, physical pain and minor depression

The anger stage in grief can also lead to certain psychosomatic problems. Therefore, you may experience things such as abdominal pain, physical and mental exhaustion, headaches, insomnia or a higher risk of developing infections. You may also start to experience minor symptoms of depression, which can get worse if you do not treat them.

How to get through the anger stage in grief

One of the primary dangers involved in  the anger that comes with this stage of grief is that it can lead to potentially harmful behaviors. Some people start drinking, gambling or anything that will help them “forget” the pain of their loss.

Therefore, when it comes to treating and getting through this stage, therapy is not just a good idea – it is probably the only effective way to take control of your life again and get back on track. Here are some strategies you can use:

Strategies for getting through the anger stage in grief

  • A prior evaluation of your health. Before you start in therapy, you need to get a medical check to make sure that you are not suffering from other conditions.
  • If you are going into therapy, you also need to be firmly dedicated to implementing it.
  • A good technique  is cognitive restructuring. You can use it to identify your limiting and irrational thoughts. It will make it easier for you to channel your emotions, get some relief, and find resources to relieve your profound, emotional pain.
woman walking barefoot in forest

It is also worth mentioning that this type of therapy tends to vary a lot, depending on your needs. You should also not expect it to be a quick fix. It is a long process that requires a firm dedication between patient and therapist.

But just calm down. The success rate is very high and you can, with certainty, get through this stage if you stick with it. Books, such as Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process by Nancy O’Connor, can also be a great help to anyone with grief issues.

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