You Have Already Learned To Be Strong – Now It’s Time To Be Happy

How do you find joy after a hard time?
You have already learned to be strong - now is the time to be happy

Somehow the hard times teach us to be strong. But do not use that strength to build walls or fences to forget. Now is the time to be happy.

Eventually you finally learned it: You learned to be strong. Life is full of lessons and some situations help you build a somewhat dismissive attitude. Therefore, you say to yourself that you can handle everything and that you have the necessary resources to face everything… But maybe you forget the most important thing: It is also time to be happy.

Happiness is not something distant; it’s right here and right now. A happy person does not postpone his joy because life happens right here and now and it is uncertain what will come in the future.

But people who have been through hard times may find it difficult to follow this advice. Why? Because when life gets tough, it’s hard for your mind to be present in the moment.

To be strong

In addition, you tend to go through life in a defensive way, so you are careful about what happens so that it does not happen to you again. You use your rearview mirror in your mind where you think about the things that you have experienced in the past. And you try to learn from it so you can be prepared if it should happen again.

If you have been through something terrible, complex or traumatic, do not focus too much on being strong. Instead, focus on being flexible. This is because in these times you may be tempted to defend yourself and be defensive to protect your wounds.

a leaf with a heart in it

You have learned to be strong, but now is the time to be happy

Balance can teach you things like experiences, relationships, and everything you read and experience does. But there is one fact that is worth exploring: People who have recovered from a trauma do not always allow themselves to be happy. It’s a bit like they’d one day walked out the door with an umbrella, even though no rain has been reported.

Antisthenes, the Greek philosopher and founder of the cynical school, used to say that our goal is to make an impenetrable fort in our soul. But what is the point of a rigid wall. The light can hardly penetrate a wall of stone. You can not see through it, and even worse, the door is closed to those who really want to meet you.

Therefore, those who are obsessed with developing a strong personality often become defensive due to the fear of being hurt. This is not the best strategy, for joy can not be in harmony with fear or with those who use too many defense mechanisms.

man sitting and enjoying the sunset

Now you know your top priorities

Since Martin Seligman laid the foundation for positive psychology in the 1990s, little has changed. The world is still witnessing countless self-help releases to teach people how to be happy. Usually the gurus promise to give you the key to being a functional individual.

Those who have experienced bad or traumatic events do not always get help from these books.

Experts in this field and the psychologists, Jerome Wakefield from the University of New York and Allan Horwitz from Rutgers University, wrote a book entitled The Loss of Sadness: How Psychiatry Transformed Normal Sorrow into Depressive Disorder. In it, they talk about this topic.

Nowadays, the “duty” to be happy is constantly being pushed down on people. In fact, many experts point out that people are confused and neglect their emotional repertoire; they look down on anxiety, fear and sadness. Thus, those who experience a trauma will continue to stress over their negative emotions.

So why can people not be happy? What can these people do for their own well-being? Even if they do not believe it themselves, they still have an advantage when it comes to the play.

People who have never been through hard times often fantasize about happiness in idealistic terms (having the perfect partner, getting the perfect job, or embarking on the most amazing journey). But those who have learned to be strong find values ​​in more basic aspects such as calm, balance, love and well-being.

woman sitting by a jetty

The key to well-being and being happy is a combination of many things

Life has made you strong… and now it’s time to be happy. You have fought your battles and been through changes in your life. But you still stand up! Fixed like a rock.

Now try to learn to be flexible and receptive. Accept change and work on being open to life to find yourself. Then you will find out what makes you happy.

In the middle of this path there is a key that allows you to work with your joy. That is probably the most crucial element. Viktor E. Frankl talked about it in his famous book,  Man´s Search for Meaning.  We are, of course, talking about finding meaning in life.

It is about giving your life meaning, motivation and an inner strength that can promote some illusions in you. This should be your gasoline to get up in the morning, to get better and set goals according to what is important to you.

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